Lockdown diary: ‘War, famine, flood, fire – remember those happy days?’


Anyone still worried about full-spectrum eco-cide? Should yoga crooks be shown mercy? And can love repair carpet-bombed lungs? Another week in the life of our self-isolating comedy-writer

Oh, thank God that’s over. Feels so good to be out and about again, meeting people, hugging the grandchildren. And wow! We’re on a giant waterslide in the jungle too! Wait, there’s Iain Duncan-Smith in a smoking jacket, giving me notes on my 100-stanza poem about a magic breakfast. Luckily, I can shoot him dead and – oh, I see brain, thanks a lot. Just another dream, shattered before I could even pull the trigger.

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